How to help your daughter bloom, with Katie Parker from Bloomfully

In the latest episode of The Parenting Couch podcast, Rachel and Sarah talk with Katie Parker from Bloomfully... who has created an incredible online program for tween girls called 'I Believe In Me'. Katie opens up about her passion for helping girls to bloom, and her insights for how parents can support their daughters.

Tween girls have a lot to deal with... friendship issues, changing bodies, social media, school pressures and more. In recent years, there's been a huge increase in anxiety and depression from this age group, and as parents we want to be able to do whatever we can to support them through tough times. 

In this episode of The Parenting Couch podcast, Katie Parker from Bloomfully shares her advice for some of the big situations that your daughter might experience:

• Dealing with bullies and exclusion: When friends are mean and drama starts - what is the best way to handle it?
• Mental health: What can we do to support our child's mental health, particularly if they are suffering from anxiety or depression?
• Identity: Why girls should strive to find their own passions and direction, and not be a follower.
• Hard times: How you can help your daughter through failures, disappointments and hard emotions ? 
• Negative self-talk: How can tweens stop the negative self-talk and stop the comparison game? 
• Building Confidence: How you can build lasting confidence in your tween daughter, to help her now and in the future? 
• Family routines: Why family routines are important... even with older children!

Meet Katie Parker

Katie is the President & CEO of Bloomfully and has a passion for building the confidence of young girls, tweens and women.

Her mission is to help them grow above the comparing, the criticism, and the self-doubt that are plaguing girls. She honestly believes EVERY girl and EVERY woman is remarkably unique and needed in this world.

Katie is married to Matt Parker of Album Surfboards and they live in Orange County, CA with their six children. In the Summer they surf and in the Winter they snowboard. Family and faith are at her core and the blooming businesses are an extension of that foundation. She is the CEO & creator of Singers Company, I Believe in Me, and Bloomfully, companies that focus on building the confidence of girls of all ages.

As she watches the world become ever more complex to navigate for girls, she longs to help them stay grounded/rooted yet willing and able to bloom wherever they may be in the world. She hopes Bloomfully will help girls believe in their gifts, encourage them to grow and motivate them to share with the world. The world needs strong minds, and strong hearts in strong girls.

I Believe In Me is a life-cheering online adventure for tweens that gives real tools to create a happy school life! This time of life can be tricky and through weekly episodes, video tutorials and fun interactive online events we focus on promoting positive mindset and individual growth for each member. Girls can join ANY time and enjoy the program at their own pace.

Essential Details

• Website: bloomfully.com
• Online Program: Register your child into I Believe In Me

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Transcript

Speaker 1  0:02  
Welcome to The Parenting couch with Rachael Chappell and Sarah Levett honest conversations about what parenting is really like, because let's be real, it can be hard, proudly brought to you by North Shore moms.com.au

Speaker 2  0:18  
welcome back to The Parenting couch. I'm Rachel Chappell.

Speaker 3  0:22  
And I'm Sarah Levett. And particularly exciting today. Our next guest comes from one of my favorite parts of the world, Orange County, California, our first guest from the States, and she is from bloom fully.com, a beautiful organization. She's a president CEO, and has a passion for building the confidence of young girls, tweens and women, her mission is to help them grow above the comparing the criticism and the self doubt that are plaguing girls. It is a tough, tough world that they're living in and entering into when they enter into this phase. But welcome, please. And thank you for being on The Parenting Couch. Katie Parker.

Speaker 4  1:07  
Oh, thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to be here. And I love talking about what my passion is. And that's just strengthening girls and women.

Speaker 2  1:17  
Well, let's perfect as I was saying, for Sarah and I because we have girls, we are mothers of girls, my girls are 8,11 and 13. And Sarah's is 10 and a half. So we're actually in the thick of it. And I also just want to say this podcast is probably relevant to any mums with daughters no matter what age would that be? Right?

Speaker 4  1:40  
Absolutely. And even the things that we'll probably end up talking about are so applicable to family life, and even parenting boys. It's the same principles. But we obviously on a business side focus on the girls. But so much of it applies just the daily living in the daily habits and the daily mindsets, on families and, and boys and girls.

Speaker 3  2:04  
So be good to go back and sort of establish how you started and how you got into it.

Speaker 4  2:10  
So we started bloom fully. It all started actually when I was in high school, I started a little performing girls for group for girls singing and dancing, because I love my one of my other passions is just musical dance theater, I love singing, I love performing and onstage. And it brought me a lot of confidence. And in high school, I needed to earn money for college, you know, for the university. And so I started a little group, and I called it singers company. And it was for elementary age girls. And in the states that's ages about five to 10 or 11. And I, since I started in high school, I did it all the way through university, my first years of marriage. And then I franchised it. So now we have over 70 locations in the United States. And it has strengthen these sweet little girls, the tools we use for music and dance. But it's so much more than that. It just gets them confident, performing, speaking, singing in front of an audience in their peers during class, we do lots of other things. So that's what started it all. And then those parents loved it. And the girls grew up. And they the parents kept asking me, Katie, when are you going to end even the directors so all the women directors across the country, I mean, they are so much stronger by what they're able to share and how they build these sweet girls. And it's brought them strength to so that's the bloom fully where we're strengthening the girls, we're strengthening the women with you know, owning their own business, you know, helping their family financially, but yet helping their community strengthen and share in such a positive way. And then everyone just kept asking, Okay, really the ages 11 through 13 are so critical in these sweet girls. And once they leave Sears company, they're so strong, but where do they go? Like, please, please create something, can they still do this, you know, and I knew at that age, with all the new things coming in life, like changing bodies, they're, you know, in the States and I think it's similar to Australia where they move into a little bit higher of education amongst their peers, their interests changes or start to become, you know, girls start to be interested in fashion and maybe a little bit of makeup and all those new think friend friends get a little bit tricky at that age and, you know, and even relationships with family members or you know, things just get a little bit more serious and so they're dealing with that so I knew the same format of singing and dancing wasn't going to fit these sweet girls. They needed something more they needed real life tools to help establish those habits that ground you that can be used for the rest of your life on how to you know get through a hard situation and see the good in it still have gratitude in your heart and grow from that. And so as his parents kept asking, you know, how are you going to create something for for the old, you know, as they get older these, you know, 10 through 13 year age and, and one day I was working in my garden, I love to garden, I love to dig in the dirt. And I was just thinking about these sweet girls and all these girls that have aged out of the singers Company Program and how proud I am of them and how I'm just so excited for the next phase in their life. And, but also, as I've watched the world, and social media and all the things that are coming out these girls that are kind of new for this generation, my heart really just just started to hurt for them. Like I knew that they needed something special. And sorry, I don't want to get too emotional. But it really is something that has come from the heart where these girls need to be built up every day. They need strength, they need to know that they are so beautiful and unique each one individually and together. That's what makes this world beautiful. And if we all try to be the same and look the same, like they kind of are tempted to when they get them you know, when they watch people on social media influencers are the you know, it's hard. If you start to lose your individuality, you start to forget like who am I? What do I like? What do I want to pursue? Who do I want to be because you're just you're really I mean, you're, quote, a follower on those platforms, watching these girls grow up, I might, I don't want them to be followers, I want them to be leaders, we need them, this world needs their goodness. And so as I was working in my garden, all of a sudden, honestly, all of these ideas of the garden analogies came, I just thought I just thought about these little girls, and how they're growing up. And they're starting to really establish their garden of life, and how each one of them represents kind of a different type of flower. There's so many different unique flowers. And if we all look the same and like my favorite flowers, the Daisy, if everyone looks like a daisy acted like a daisy, I mean, I'd love daisies there, darling, they're my favorite. But if that's all we ever had in my garden, it would be really boring. You know, it would be pretty but But you think about if I'm standing next to another unique, beautiful individual, and let's say her favorite flowers, the tulips, I mean, think of a bouquet of flowers are differences next to each other and working together are what make this world gorgeous. And that's the beauty. So to help these girls know who they are, keep discovering their talents and unique gifts, and then to share those gifts. So I knew it just really came to me that to grow and share. That's the key at this age, they're growing and who they are. They're discovering what they want to do, whether it's sports, whether it's music, whether it's both whether it's art, whether whether it's surfing, whether it's you know, painting, they are just, you know, or baking, I mean, there's just so many things that they could do. And so it's a time of discovery. And it's a time of establishment of roots, where, you know, those storms of life are gonna start coming starting with this age. And if they have their roots really starting to grow down deep, those storms won't affect them as much, they'll be very strong and very calm. And that you know, and we teach that in our program. So you've got singer's company for elementary age. And then through this garden theme I we brought up, it's called I believe in me, it's an online course it's an online program, and any girl actually in the world can get on bloomfield.com and choose I believe in me, ages 10 through 13. And that's we do it through little episodes every week, we call it planting the seeds, where we we plant those little ideas in their head that they can take with them throughout the week and help them grow and we cover everything we cover. The first episode is who are you? We talked about you are a girl with gifts to grow and share and your and what makes you beautiful and unique. We traveled through everything, the light and dark of life, the sunshine, how to keep the sunshine in your garden, what do you do when a cloud comes? You know, and what do you do when a weed appears and we have all these you know, and then we talk about your root system. What that is we'd say routines are the roots. We keep going into just about worms and butterflies and worms or unexpected things that come but it gives these girls little tools of life in a way and an image that they will remember and hold with them for their whole life. We that circle that they know in those moments in a friendship that might be difficult. They pull up that little garden tool they learned and in their mind, they self you know regulate Okay, is this going to help me grow? Or is this going to help me well and they are able to have confidence in the choices they make. So we're back passionate about it. So it started so long ago with the singing and dancing group. And now it has grown into just a whole nother course and a whole nother program. But under that same umbrella of bloom fully where we just want women and girls to know Bloom to their full potential. So I think what we're discussing mostly Today is where your girls lie, ages 10 through 13. And that's with the I believe in me program about really establishing those habits and things that will cultivate a happy life.

Speaker 2  10:29  
So it is a very tricky age, because the emotions are so high, and they're dealing with situations that they're sometimes expected to deal with, because they're growing up. And you as a parent, you want to be able to support them as well and guide them in the right direction. There's so many different examples that you can think of a big one that I've experienced, and I've seen many people is experiences mean girls at school, just exclusion or saying nasty things. And it's absolutely awful to see your children go through those experiences. And it's there at the age where you want to do I step in? Do I talk to a teacher? Do I talk to the parent? Do I advise them on what the best thing is to do about the situation? It's tricky to judge because you don't want to jump in. But right, you want them to know what to do. But it's it's just, it's just very hard to find your role and what you should be doing to support them. So maybe you can shed some light on what you think we should do.

Speaker 4  11:31  
Yeah, no, as moms, I have six kids. And so I have three boys and three girls, my oldest is 22. My youngest is four, I have them all in between. So we've been through I you know, I've seen it all. And they're all so different. Every child is so different. And so you the principles are the same. So like, you know, like what we're teaching and I believe in me applies to the boys and the girls. But But yet, you're right with each child that's a little bit different. When do you push as a parent? When do you pull back and something when you talked about the mean girls, and the you know, the things that are said that could hurt your feelings or as a parent? When do you step in, and this is what I would say, like tools for parents and I use the zoom, three strikes, you're out. And we talk about in your garden, like you know, in baseball, I don't know, if you I think you have baseball that right? A little bit, three strikes, you're out. And from a girl's perspective, let's say she's at school, and she's hanging out with her friends. And one particular friend, just you know, will say a comment that pulls her down, or will do something or excluding on purpose, if in a short amount of time, I would say probably like in the span of like a couple of weeks, if there have been three different instances for this girl, you know, incidents where this she has kind of just kind of had to take a step back, like ah, and just like it made her feel bad. That's usually when I take three strikes, you're out. And when you're out, it doesn't mean like you're not my friend anymore. And we tell this girl, like go away? No, it's just that you're what we call and I believe in me, you're doing a soil check. And so we know in gardening, that in order to grow anything, you have to have healthy soil, you can't have rocks, you can't have sand. So right out of the gate in our program, we teach these, you know, tween girls, that your soil is your mind and your heart. And that guides you in life. And so we say through and you're gonna have all these different areas in your life, right that, especially at this age that are happening, you have friends, which we're just we're still talking about, you know, the ups and downs of friendship, you've got your family dynamic, you know how the house is feeling the house is running. You've got your school assignments, you've got your, you know, the media that you're consuming on TV, on social media, on phones, on screens, you've got fashion, what are you going to wear, the choices you're making and what you're going to wear and how you're going to present your body. So there's all these different areas, you know, that these girls are facing, we say that you can do soil checks at any time, any time of day, multiple times a day in these areas. So for instance, this going back to the story about the girl saying something that is going to hurt your feelings and you're at three, you know, you're at three different incidences with this girl, your mind and your heart are telling you at that moment, by the third, you know, you're like, Oh, your heart doesn't feel good, you feel sad, you feel you know, you feel left out you feel put down, you know, your confidence was is lower. You just it just feels icky. And in your mind, you're thinking they're not saying nice things, you know, doing like that action towards me is not nice. So though your mind and heart are speaking to each other, and we call that a soil check. So it's like how's my heart feeling? And does this make sense for me and my age? Meaning does it make sense for me to hang out with this girl a lot, because every time I do I feel less than that. It's not helping me grow, it makes me feel like I'm wilting. In that moment of a soil check, you have a choice. And your life is made up of these little choices all day long, right. And, as and so we're hoping to help these girls see that they have the power at all times the power is within them, they don't have to stick around that girl, they can, they can choose to go hang out with someone else, they can choose to just go to the library and read a book for a couple of days just to take a break, you know, and to kind of recalibrate and just kind of reassess, they can go talk to their mom, you know about their parents like how they're feeling. On the parents side of that, I would say three strikes, you're out the same way. And that's kind of what I do. If I hear one of my children, boy or girl, kind of complain or unload to me, like when they're sharing about their day or something. And I hear the same name, you know, I hear the same name in a negative way, like so and so did this or so and so I can't stand them right now, or, and all the kind of ask questions to dig deeper, sometimes they'll share, sometimes they won't. But if I get details, my child I know can make wrong choices. It's I'm not a parent, that's, you know, my child can do no wrong, I usually say my child is guilty till proven innocent. But usually, I know that they are probably the innocent ones, because they're good kids. But if I hear that same problem with the same name, that's three strikes out, that means I may go to the principle, like you said, or the teacher, or the parent of that child. So if it happened in her English class, you know, and that same name is coming to you know, that person, you know, took my paper, that person cheated off my test or that, then I would, I would encourage, if it's a situation, I would encourage my child to go. But if I needed to get involved, I usually see if they can do it within the three instances. But if they can't, and we're at number three, and I really feel like, usually that warrants maybe some action on the parents part. So that was kind of a long answer, but I needed to establish kind of the soil check. And then what that what that looks like. So if you're doing three soil checks about the same friend, and there's, you know, you need to take action, something needs to go out, you need to leave, you need to take a break from that friendship for a while, you might need to talk to that friend, but either way, you need to, you need to set that little boundary where the sunshine can still shine in your garden.

Speaker 3  17:28  
And I love the garden analogy, it's fantastic. And, you know, it also gives something for them to relate to something tangible to show us and your garden tools and all that. And I think, you know, it's nice for them. And, and with flowers, and everything is a beautiful image. I was talking to my daughter recently, you know about still, just because it's tricky, it's so tricky. But just because other kids are being mean, you know, it doesn't mean we have to retaliate back with the same thing. But also, you know, explaining to her that we're not for everyone, and every one's not necessarily for us. And therefore, sometimes we just get, there's just going to be people that aren't a good fit, like we're not, you know, we just don't work. Her school is very small. So it gets a little tricky with that sort of stuff. Because there isn't a big pool to choose from the smallness, of course, creates a lot of other beautiful things as well. But that part of it can can be hard, but at the same time, like you say, it's about arming them. You know, even this morning, I said, Oh my god, I just want a particular song about feeling sad about something. And I said, I just want to protect you always from your feelings. I said, but all I can do is send you out there with the tools and strategies to be able to sit with your feelings, understand them and deal with them. Because I you know, we can't protect them. And so having something like this, because I guess there's a lot of kids that don't talk to their parents as well. Like I feel at the moment, my daughter's revealing a lot. But I know that could change in a couple of years time and she can start hiding things like I did from my mom at 13. I was like, No, I'm not telling her anything with your course the kids. Is it something they go and do on their own? Or is it something you work through with them? How

Speaker 4  19:03  
does it work? And both actually, so when a girl joins, I believe in me, they get this their private login access, you know, username and password and they log into the program. And they can view it on their own time. One episode, they're usually about 12 minutes long, like average is three is released a week, they get to choose which one that they because we want them to digest it in little bits not all at once like a firehose is too much and nothing will take root, right? So they get to they get to look at the topics and we suggest an order but they can choose they can choose which one they watch and and then so that section is called planting the seeds. As they scroll down. There's a section called how's it growing kind of like a little chit chat area where they can write in little message questions and get an answer. And then once a month, we gather on a zoom call that's live and we have themes every month and you don't have to attend it is very optional, because we record it, and then we post it. So you can watch the house at growing zoom later if you want, or you can attend, like, sometimes we teach them how to bake a certain retreat. Sometimes we talk about, you know, starting your periods, and we do it in a very safe and simple way. But we make them feel just like because it's a time when we all gather as girls, and they realize, Oh, I'm not the only one that feels that way, or gets my feelings hurt like that. And I'm not the only one so nervous to you know, without my changing body. And I'm not the only one, it's a really beautiful thing. I mean, they're coming from all across the country, and even in, you know, a couple other different countries. And we try to make the time so that they all can come and it's beautiful. So there's how's it growing. And then there's below that there's a section called Bloom videos. And these are really we have a lot of contributors in there that have a specialty. So we have one that covers fashion, we have one that covers, you know basic nutrition and changing bodies, we have one that kind of starts a little bit about basic makeup at this age, you know, it's very age appropriate, we're not trying to be too grown up too quickly. But just so that these girls can navigate on their own, so they have their own little portal, it's very, it's private website, meaning you're not going to get any ads, you're not going to get any videos that pop up, and the parents have access to it at all times. So they can and really some parents, like the girl will watch the video. And then later the the mom or dad will watch the video. And then they have a discussion about the topic, you know, and one of the topics could be study habits and create some good questions and good dialogue for parent and child. But then we have some girls that really just it's their own little thing that they do. Most of all, we just are here to back up and support parents in their highest, you know, aspirations for their sweet girls with these girls. And I believe in me are being encouraged to grow encouraged to discover encouraged to share and give back encouraged to share themselves and to really bloom as best they can. And, and we talked about like you're sending your daughter off to school and her feelings were hurt. Like just we have a couple of episodes about hurt feelings and about what happens when someone says something that hurts your feelings, what are your choices, you know, you don't want it to stick. And so we call it four seconds, like so you can choose, you can have it hurt your feelings for four minutes for four hours for four days for four months for four weeks. Or it could be four seconds, and you just brush it off, you know? And so we teach them what that looks like and give lots of examples. And then we have one a hurt feelings episode about what do you do when you have hurt someone's feelings and we call that throwing dirt on someone. Because you know you want good healthy soil in your garden. throwing dirt is when you might say something sassy, something that's hurtful on purpose to a sibling to a friend. And then what do you do? How do you fix that, so the sun keeps shining. And we talked about the power of saying I'm sorry, if you really want power in life, it's the power to be able to be humble enough to say I'm sorry and fix your mistake and how much sunshine that can bring in your garden if you know that garden tool and use it as you know when you can. So there's so many things that apply and most of all, we just want we just want to help you know we know that this age group and even going into the teen years these girls are the ones that are suffering right now mentally and just emotionally and I could see it and I want it to be part of the solution. This life is too wonderful to have a have shadow stay too long. You know, it's there's too much sunshine to be had, especially in Australia.

Unknown Speaker  23:51  
Nicely isolated.

Unknown Speaker  23:55  
And California, California Sunny, new.

Speaker 4  23:59  
Yes, that's true. Where I live, it's wonderful. We love it here.

Speaker 2  24:04  
Beautiful. I've heard a lot from you know, medical professionals that they are seeing such a decline in tween and teens mental health at the moment like shockingly so whether or not that's from you know, the lock downs that we had or whether it's from all the screens that they're on depression and anxiety are huge problems and getting you know, there's just such a huge pressure on that mental health area in Australia. I'm sure it's the same in the States as well. You know, we just want to do whatever we can to support our kids. So, I mean, what would you say your tips would be to parents to help them it's such a big question, you know, but like to build happy, confident, daughters, children. What What can we do as parents to support our kids through these challenging times.

Speaker 4  25:04  
I think I'm talking absolutely as a mom right now. This because watching it in our boys and girls, but it's very true in the States, especially the girls, the studies are showing this for whatever reason, I don't know if it's because we're more emotional, we're more susceptible to the comparison game online, I'm not sure but for whatever reason, all kids are suffering and all tweens are suffering mentally at this time group more than any other time, I think in history, and especially the girls, the girls numbers are even greater. And as a parent, I would say doing soil checks on your family meaning, usually, as a mom, you know, when something's off, you can sense when something happened on a day or a week, or just like, for instance, my, you know, 15 year old I have a 15 year old daughter, and she has wonderful friends and she has been you know, there, I noticed that I noticed a trend where the more she hangs out with her friends without significant breaks and being at home with the family, the more she doesn't want to be with a family like this balances off, and where she ends up being snippy at her siblings or shul you can just tell something's off she's not her normal happy Sadie self you know and, and I and just by being able to do that soil check as a mom like, okay, something's off with Sadie it's hurting my heart a little bit. I can sense there's something off and then then like logically and mentally going pack. Okay, what are what's sad been doing these last few weeks? Okay, she's been with friends a lot. In fact, Oh, yeah. She was with friends last night, late and the day before all day. And okay, not that that's a bad thing. Our friends are good friends, but I think she gets the balance is off. And, you know, and so she's not used to being around the family as much hour to hour and she gets a little bit, you know, her patients were stung. So, just by being able to say, hey, Sadie, you know, I've noticed, you know, just in the last couple days, like you're kind of getting a little bit short with me and your siblings. And I'm kind of thinking it might be because we've had a lot of consecutive time with being out with friends. And you kind of are forgetting the role that you play, you know, as an older sister to your little ones right now. And we're kind of feeling and if that's the way it's going to be that the more you time you spend with friends, the worse you treat your family, I don't know if we can be with friends as much. So maybe just be aware of that and your mind, because I want you to be with your friends, I want you to have fun. Just be aware of that. So that you can kind of self regulate, once you enter the home and come back in those doors that you can be like, Okay, I'm home, I need to reconnect with law law, my little sister who's four, you know, or I need to go and, you know, have some trampoline time with Dane, my brother who's 10. And so to kind of point that out as a parent, I think you do those soil checks when you feel like a child is off. But then another thing that I would say, with all of this mental pressure and you know, mental health decline, I think these kids need to know that the ups and downs of life are completely normal. As much as we want the sun to shine in our garden every day. And we and we try for that and we work for that. It's just not going to happen. We're gonna have those days of shadows where the dark clouds come. And we call that and I believe in me, we call that worms meaning like, okay, so this is how it came. I was I was digging in my garden. And when a worm, you see worms and you're like, oh, my gosh, and it takes your breath away. And you kind of jump back because it's like Rugeley. And it's crazy. And you're like, you weren't expecting quite that. And even though I know they're there, every time I see when it's still like am I don't love seeing the words. I don't, I don't. But I know that those worms help my garden grow stronger plants, because aerate the soil, right, so we and I believe in me we call a worm, anything unexpected that comes into your life that takes your breath like that thinking like, like a move, maybe there's a health issue in the family, maybe you know, a family's going through a divorce. Maybe you did a really had got a really bad grade on a test that you studied for it, but you're just not doing well in school. Those things that if left unchecked, could really cause the depression and anxiety, you know, those those clouds are coming into your garden and you didn't invite them. And sometimes it's just most of the time. It's not your fault. It's just an experience in life that's happening to you. And that's where these kids it's like,

Speaker 5  29:38  
they've just got to know that this is what life's about. This is the true test

Speaker 4  29:43  
of you and your garden of life. What are you going to do when those worms come and what should you do? Some kids and families don't even know and what we say and what we've done. So one of the our main principals I believe in me that I work with her name is Becky I'm Fife and you'll you would see her on the website if you go. And in one of our episodes, worms and butterflies, she shares a very, very personal experience that I know she will let me share because she shares in the episode, she lost a brother, her younger brother, when she when she was 10 years old, her younger brother was eight, and she lost him to cancer. And that rocked her world that was a major worm in her life, you know, and she had a big family, but she was at the tail end of the family. And from that, what we have taught these girls is, sometimes the Worms is a really heavy thing like that what Becky experienced and sometimes it's a smaller thing, it's a hard friendship, it's a hard, you're not doing so well, in your, in your, you know, in your math studies, something that's really bringing you down, and you're just, it's just really hard. It's a real big cloud in your garden. And we just say that you've got to keep growing, you can't stop and become numb, or you know, it's okay to be sad, for sure. You've got to grieve and those feelings need to be validated. So if your child was going through something as a parent, you you know, you mourn with them, you you've listened to how they're feeling. And then you kind of ask the question at the right time. So now what? Now what are we going to do? This worm has appeared in your life? What do we do with this worm hole? Do we fill it with light or darkness? Are we going to dwell on the darkness too long, where it can become a deeper cloud? Like a cloud that never goes away? Or are we going to keep moving and keep going and keep growing. And what we counsel these girls in these episodes is, one of our mantras is routines are the roots. And even though it sounds silly, and some people are like, wait, what, like a routine is gonna get you through that really hard time that Becky's family went through. And it really is the truth, she watched her mom go through their family routines every day, they would still make dinner together, they would wake up everyone, you know, had, they weren't perfect, but they kept moving on those family routines that you know, you get up, you have breakfast, you make your bed, you have your backpack ready for the next day you do your homework, just by keeping those family that family moving in those routines. It kept their life steady in a really rocky time. And it's going back to those familiar comfortable, kind of like that warm chicken soup feel that even though it's making your bed, you're literally keeping your body moving forward. And so even though this part of your life has fallen apart, or is in the process of you feel like it's falling apart, that doesn't mean, school has to fall apart, it probably will a little bit. But it doesn't have to complete because we're gonna keep moving forward. And so you asked me well, you know, what advice would I have for parents, I feel like family routines are such a safety net, and a steady route system for a family for a life, especially these twin girls. And if they can feel that and their life when a storm or a worm comes into their life, that they know how to keep moving forward and keep those keep progressing to their goals. It doesn't mean they might not make it four miles, you know, in their life, they might be making it four blocks, but they're still moving. And I think when we're still moving, it's a lot harder for actual real depression to set in. I feel like yes, everyone's going to have clouds and certain times in their life where it's down. That's just life. And we tell these girls, you can't expect rainbows and butterflies all the time. It's just not what we're meant to do. That's not what gets us stronger, you know, you're not going to get stronger. If you always get the rainbow every day, you know, you get stronger by how you deal with these worms and the holes that they leave. And by filling those routines that fills them with light, you feel like I'm still progressing, you're still feeling the growth, even though in a lot of ways you feel the wilt, there's too much growth happening, you know, and in the end, you're gonna net gain. And so I think routines as a family and in a home and helping your child establish their own little personal routines that keep their life moving and progressing and growing are so key more so than I think a lot of people understand it keeps things calm and steady.

Speaker 3  34:25  
And a secure device is everything you know, as we grow I mean even for ourselves as adults you know, we need to have routine and secure base as well. You know, a home whatever that looks like. Thank you so much for your time. It's been amazing. We could just listen for hours. Make sure though the thing that you can do from this amazing chat today is go on to bloom fully.com and use this resource because it's incredible. I am certainly going to get my daughter onto that and myself and stop because I think it's Amazing. Congratulations to you. We were doing amazing supporting women.

Speaker 2  35:06  
Yeah, it sounds like an amazing program. And I haven't heard of anything similar in Australia that that focuses specifically on that area. So I just think it's, it sounds wonderful. And like Sarah, I'm going to be signing up as well. Because I think honestly, like, it just sounds fabulous. So thank you, Katie.

Speaker 4  35:28  
I hats off to you women, though. I mean, we're all mothers. And I love, love what you have done for your community, a place where moms can go for support and ideas, because every family is so different. And so and we don't all you know, and so I feel like sometimes you listen to a podcast, and it resonates. Your heart says, yes, that's for me. And sometimes you listen and go, that was nice, but you don't necessarily feel like that was for your family. And so I just love all I was looking at your list of all the podcasts you've done and all the resources that you provide moms there are lucky moms on that North Shore of Sydney. They sure they are they're lucky. Yeah, it's wonderful women like you who just bring in such wonderful ideas. So we would love it any. Any Australia girl we would love to have with I believe.

Speaker 2  36:20  
Yeah, well, you might be getting a few Sydney sign up. So keep a lookout.

Speaker 3  36:26  
Let us know when you're in town. Because your husband's a surfer build surfboards. So awesome.

Unknown Speaker  36:32  
I would love it. Oh my gosh. We love Australia. My family. In fact, my little one. She's

Speaker 4  36:37  
four. She calls it Buster Wailea. So she always says, I want to come back to Australia.

Unknown Speaker  36:43  
Oh my god.

Speaker 4  36:46  
We can't get enough of bluey at our house. bluey is on all the time. In fact, we were all quoting it last night I do this sort of thing. We love blue. It brings us joy. Yeah. It's very, very good. Very brilliant. Very funny. Yep, there's something magical about Australia. There really. We feel it every time. It's just a beautiful place with beautiful people. I love where we live. But I really there's something special about Australia and their families and people there.

Unknown Speaker  37:23  
Yeah, we love.

Speaker 3  37:25  
Thank you so much for your time. Amazing. As you were saying, Rachel, it was so good to know, there's a program out there like that, because I don't feel like we have anything here in Australia. Like that. So super grateful to Katie, you know, because she's established this beautiful program. I love the analogy of the garden and seitan gorge, like I just, it's so simple, yet it is so good. You know, it makes such sense. Like, especially for younger people to use that, you know. So anyway, I really was just captivated by what she does. And you know, I'm pumped to get it going for my Scarlett?

Speaker 2  38:05  
Absolutely, yeah, she's a beautiful lady, and just seems to have an absolute heart of gold. And, you know, just wants the best for these girls. And it's so true. It's such a crucial time in their lives when they're trying to work out who they are. And they're trying to deal with bigger situations with other people. And it's really hard. And you just want to give them all the tools that they can to thrive because they're not taught this stuff at school, you've just got it's kind of, you know, it's just, you just have to deal with the situations and you learn from experience. But if you've got the tools and the program and the insights about how to look at different situations as you come up against them, it's wonderful. So I am, as I said, going to be subscribing or joining up to her program, because it sounds wonderful.

Speaker 3  38:55  
But on that note, by the way, that it really shouldn't be in schools. Now, obviously, you know, my daughter goes to a different type of school and more of that is actually in her school. And I can see it in her as a result of going to that school from such a young age. But that's super disappointing to think that isn't it. Rachel, you just said that then and I go, Well, why isn't that in schools? Why isn't a program like that in schools, but not even an online program? That should just be an in life program that's going on in schools, if we're having such a rise in mental health in young people? What's the government doing?

Speaker 2  39:29  
Absolutely. Yeah, I 100% think it should be the mean there's so much that I think that should be in the curriculum that's not you know, a lot of stuff around the whole social media usage. Like I know we've got lots of challenges with that and in my family, just struggling with how to use it and screen addiction all these kind of things that kids need. I mean, it's such a you know, changing thing as well that you want experts that are at the forefront of what's going on and the dangers and all that kind of stuff like I think if Kids were taught it from a younger age, and it does start early. Yeah, then they're more prepared for it.

Speaker 3  40:07  
Absolutely. And it's I mean, you've got a daughter in high school. And so I feel like those things should be subjects in high school, like, I believe, or I am or, you know, the like the garden. But like as in her program, Bloom fully something like that should be in as a subject and social social media and technology. I don't know if it is I mean, I could be very, I'm saying because my daughters are in high school, but why aren't they

Speaker 2  40:30  
subjects? Yeah, I don't I don't think they are. I know. I mean, there's

Unknown Speaker  40:36  
no, not now.

Speaker 2  40:40  
No, I don't think they are. And I know that in year seven, in PDH, they learned about vaping, like the dangers of vaping, and drugs and stuff, which was, you know, kind of more, more of a theoretical thing about, you know, you know, they'll be taught about, you know, the risks of vaping, and all that kind of stuff. And, you know, the whole issue of peer pressure, I don't know if that's addressed, because that is a massive thing. And having the kids to have the confidence to say no to things that they don't want to do, again, is another really big thing that kids need confidence to do. And they can't do that if they're not confident at school. So yeah, yeah. It's the mental health is such a massive thing for these kids, I'm afraid.

Speaker 3  41:23  
And this again, you know, comes up a lot on from the education point of view. And I guess, so much emphasis is put on academics and I just, once again, I just come back to life skills is just so much more important in any way, you're going to be a better student, if you've got self discipline, and if you feel confident within yourself and you feeling good, like you're not going to learn if you've been bullied, or you've got low self esteem, like your brain isn't gonna absorb information anyway, so it's gonna be pointless. So all this pressure and all this emphasis on academics is not it's, it's twisted, I believe that needs to be balanced. And those, of course, you should learn all of those things, as well as all the other things. You know, that again, I serve you forever. Yeah. In your life, and in this world, different to the world. We went into his teenagers very Yeah,

Speaker 2  42:21  
absolutely. Maybe. Maybe, maybe we need to book a meeting with the Education Minister and see what they have to say.

Speaker 3  42:28  
I'm feel like it's time for us to do a petition on the government

Speaker 2  42:32  
I needed Exactly. Well, the mobile phone, one that I did a year and a half ago, had did help. We've got 25,000 signatures, and they are making changes. It's not obviously, purely due to my petition, but there was a lot of pressure on the government to you know, restrict the use of mobile phones in high school. And that has changed takes a long time for those things to come through. But you know, things are changing mental health is such a big thing for the tweens and teens. And that's going to cost the economy a lot more in the long run. If we don't address it when they're young. Oh, that's my two cents Web.

Speaker 3  43:10  
That writes very serious. But but you know what, that's what we have these platforms for Rachel, like, if we are people on a platform like a podcast, and people are listening to that we have a responsibility. And then you know, what does that mean? Moving forward? Like it's very important, like, we have to look what you did with a petition, you got to have a go call for change? Absolutely. I will

Speaker 2  43:36  
ride it with me, I will see if I can get everything together by the time this episode goes live. And we can see if we can do a little bit of pressure because like what he was talking about, I would love my kids to learn at school. I really would. And it's not just for girls, it's for boys as well. Obviously, I have a bit of a girl lens, because I've got daughters and I don't have any sons. But really, it's different things she's talking about, like those changes, like becoming an adult and many adults. It's really hard.

Unknown Speaker  44:07  
Todd being one anyway.

Speaker 2  44:12  
It's true. It's all just hot. Thanks for joining us. For another episode of the parenting couch. We went off on a bit of a tangent there, but I think it was a good tangent because we want to Yeah, it's just it's all thought provoking. Isn't it? Very thought provoking, to say something in schools that helps kids with all those issues.

Speaker 3  44:39  
That's time. Take care and we'll catch you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai